she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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