So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
