My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
