I didn't shave. On purpose
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
