I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
