You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
