I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We are all done wearing pants today
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