You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
