i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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