If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
