Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Verdict: uncircumcised.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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