i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize