Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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