3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
