My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
