I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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