This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
