I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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