Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize