Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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