How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize