he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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