I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
