you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
