I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
