I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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