i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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