so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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