yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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