You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
