Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
