Your face is a jimmy john
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize