I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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