TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
