I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
