Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
