the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
