Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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