Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
