so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
