We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
