he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
