btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
