There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
