Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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