I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
