she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
