i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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