I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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