There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
