do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
