you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
