I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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