you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
