youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
