I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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