just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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