their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
