Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize