Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
