she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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