I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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