we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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