Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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