I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
