yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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