I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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