Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Randomize
