I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize