Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
