That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
